When Emily Smith (founder of Female Strong) shared Mel Robbins’ podcast episode “6 Steps to Navigating Major Change Like a Pro (a Hilarious Guide to Back-to-School and College Drop-Off Season!)”, I didn’t know how much it would resonate with me.

I prefer reading to listening; if I see something, I’ll remember it, but if I just hear it, chances are it will slip away. I listened to the podcast and pulled together her key lessons. These insights have really shaped how I want to show up as a mother during big transitions.

I hope they help you, too.

AS A PARENT:

Don’t play into the kids nervousness.
Don’t allow them to come back home right away, that allows them to look forward not backwards.
They have to give it a year even if they call you crying everyday.
You must understand that chances are you will never live together again; things will never be the same.
Say hello to the new life without feeling bad.
You have to believe in your child more than your child believes in themselves because they have to borrow it from someone!
Stay confident and don’t get sucked in by the emotion because that will allow them to triumph!
Goodbyes can be deeply triggering; we struggle with seeing the people we love in pain or discomfort, and then, in an instant, they walk away, and we’re left alone.
Create a bridge between this moment and something in the future.
The way you show up in these moments allows the people who are going through change to borrow confidence from them Prep your child by saying:
- “You can do this.”
- “You will have a great day and I will see you tonight, or in a week or at Thanksgiving.”
- “You have to learn how to manage yourself through change and you can’t get overwhelmed.”
At drop off, exude your ability to acknowledge: “It will be hard but, I BELIEVE IN YOU and when I see you again you will be doing great!” And pretend if you have to that you actually believe all of these things and pretend that you are not worried.

How to Help Your Child with a Major Change

1. Narrow Their Thinking

Big changes feel overwhelming. Instead of asking your child to think weeks, months ahead, help them focus on just the next hour. Encourage them to:

Go for a walk.

Step into a cafeteria and ask someone to join them.
Call a friend or family member.
Do something to move through the sad or anxious moment.
Force yourself to talk to people.

Limit their thinking to: “What can you do in the next hour?” And encourage them to not think bigger than that.

2. Teach Them to Use a Calendar

Show them how planning can be grounding:

Add meals or study sessions with friends to the calendar

Sign up for events or clubs
Notice long blocks of “free time” and intentionally fill them with an activity

Put everything on the calendar so you have something to look forward to !

At the beginning they will have to put the effort in to be social.

3. Normalize Discomfort

Feeling unsettled during change is not a sign something is wrong, it’s proof your mind is adapting. Remind your child (and yourself):

Worry, panic, and sadness are normal and temporary

This stage is just your brain processing new experiences
Discomfort = growth in progress

The fact that you are upset, panicking or bothered by change is a sign that you are mentally well because it is all new!

You should be uncomfortable.

You should feel completely turned around.

Your body needs time to process all this new stuff but always tell yourself that it is temporary - it is just a process. It is your process.

4. Give Them Language to Hold Onto

Say things like:

“I know this is hard. But it’s only going to be hard for a little while, and I believe in you.
Before long, this new place will feel like home.”

5. Frame It as a Process

Change has a rhythm: the first two weeks feel tough, then slowly you find your footing. Reinforce that:

It will feel better as routines form
Each day builds toward familiarity
Excitement and nerves can exist together and both are normal

6. Leave Room for Their Own Strength

As parents, we want to fix it all. But sometimes the best thing we can do is step back. Remind them:

“And remember this is how you do change, it sucks for 2 weeks, just get into a good rhythm and before you know it you are going to be better than you ever imagined.”
“I love you, go GET THEM!
“The fact that you are upset about this change doesn’t mean that it is going to be bad it JUST means that you are going through change. And that is just your process.”
“I know that this is going to be hard but it will only be hard for a little bit and I believe in you!”

As a parent, you can not cry! You have to stay strong in front of the child because they need to borrow from your courage!

Transitions, whether college drop-off, a new job, or moving to a new city will always feel uncomfortable at first. But discomfort isn’t a sign of failure; it’s the beginning of growth.

These reminders gave me peace of mind as a mom. I hope they give you the same.

xx,
Monika

How to Help Your Child Navigate Major Change